Fear

So today I was watch Degrassi and Claire found out that she had cancer. And I literally broke down. I know sounds stupid, that a tv character can evoke so much emotion. It's weird, Claire is like me, or I am like claire, minus a few differences. Watching these past few episodes it reminded me of what I went through in 7th grade. No I don't have cancer and I never did, but I did have a tumor.

I went to the doctors for a physical before school, and I found out that i had a lump in my right breast. Sorry if this is to much information for some, I just really wanted to talk about this. I went to a doctor at CHOP and we talked about getting a biopsy and seeing if it was cancerous or not. It wasn't for a few days and all though I was all smiles I was freaking out. It's really hard to explain, I knew there was a better chance that I didn't have cancer but it was scary. I had not control and no one could really cheer me up. I got the surgery to get it out and even after I was still terrified, even though the results came back negative for cancer. I was really scared. The worse part was I went on a trip to DC with my class. The worse part was my incision was still seeping with this ooze that i didn't' know what it was. The doctor had said that it was okay. I was still scared that something was going to go wrong.

 It still frightens me. Everyday I have to look at this long scar on the side of my breast reminding me of what happened. I think about what would have happened if I did have cancer, would I still be here, would i have lost all of my hair, would I be where I am now? I think about what would I have met the people that I have met, or would I still be in the same school. I don't know, and that Scares me. It's scarry to know that we as humans don't have any control over what happens to us. The good thing is we have someone looking after us 24/7. I'm so glad that God has his hands in my life. I would be nothing with out Him.